It's The Government's Fault I'm Fat!

Yes, we are fat and government better starting making more laws and controlling our lives more cause Americans are stupid without government.

The other day I was at the mall and POW out of nowhere a double cheeseburger with mayo flew in my hands. I did not know what to do, so I went to the food court and ordered fries and a 32 ounce sugar filled cola then went on my way.

By the time that I got home from my day of shopping, I was so ready to chill. I grabbed a bag of chips and plopped on the couch, watched a little cable and took a nap. When I woke, I went to the kitchen. To my surprise, my entire kitchen counter was filled with candy, cookies, chips, cakes, pies and lots of butter.

Since there was not much that I could do, I ate, drank and went back to watching cable.

Although my clothes, even my shoes, were getting tighter, I blamed that size XXL was just getting smaller. I chalked it up to cheap Chinese cloth and noted that next time I would try on XXXL just in case all designers were buying from China.

Later, I visited my Mom. We always have homemade chocolate chip cookies and coffee, but she only offered me coffee. I wanted a cookie. I asked her, “Mom, why aren’t you offering me a cookie with my coffee?”

“I’m cutting back on calories to live healthier. My knees have been hurting and I don’t sleep well,“ she said.

Her comment was stupid dumb and I wanted a cookie.

“What do you mean, Mom? We are fat because of government!”

My silly mom did not understand that Americans are fat, very fat, because it’s government’s fault. Government has not monitored businesses enough to stop the obesity (One exception is New York’s Mayor Bloomberg. He actually cares for the citizens of New York! He and his legislators have passed laws to end the 32 ounce soft drink. We need more mayors and government legislators like Bloomberg who really care).

It’s sad that people like my Mom  do not understand that it’s government's fault that America is fat. I am hoping soon that government will pass more laws to stop obesity; I have a wedding coming up and do not want to buy a dress from the maternity section.

Thank God we have government. It’s so dumb to think Americans could live without government running our lives.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Richard Parker February 17, 2013 at 06:35 PM
Where were you in 2001 when Bush started this ball rolling?
Traci Monroe February 18, 2013 at 01:08 PM
why is this comment still here, it's an absolute violation of Patch's terms.
Oh the stupidity February 20, 2013 at 02:19 PM
Fortunately, Kathleen O'Brien Wilhelm, you do not need the government to "make you stupid" you're doing a fine job, all on your own.
Bard February 20, 2013 at 03:50 PM
I just put a Don't Tread On Me sticker on my Buick Skylark to tell the government that if I want to eat a bucket of icing everyday, then I will. I'm going to smoke 4 packs a day to prove that there is no link between smoking and lung cancer too.
Jon Douchichev June 06, 2013 at 11:45 PM


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